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Friday, February 23, 2007

Spotty the Rabbit



Our dog, Spotty is sure he is whichever animals that we have to keep him company. Currently he is a rabbit. He has in previous lives been a chicken and a duck.

From an owners perspective, he doesn't run away when approached to be caught as I have experienced with our chickens and ducks and our rabbits, who I was chasing around the garden this morning at 6am. They decided to dig out overnight. Freedom. I got up and they were having a lovely time prancing around the garden feasting on whatever takes their fancy.

So in tribute to Spotty, the only moderately annoying dog. If I ever complain about him, I will think of this. Our cat was run over when very young, so I can't really comment on cats. It was still a kitten, which is an entirely different animal.

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00am Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am Walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favourite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."

I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.

I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.

The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now....

10 comments:

GP said...

Those diaries are pure genius (and very, very true).

Bill Haydon said...

Lovely post - I used to get my Y3 children to write a diary entry as a cat, but never as a dog, and reading your post I realise why. You did, however, miss:

"4.42pm: took a crap. Wow!! Cop a load of that whiff!! Excellent! My favourite thing ever!"

backin15 said...

Fantastic.

My experience includes:

"3.15am tapped the window til the bastard captors woke up then ran away... pee'd in their laundry basket too, totally ruined their whites".

Cats are malicious but don't casserole well.

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